Britain's Got Tories

Just in case you were in any doubt that voting Tory was the act of a complete buffoon, and probable NIMBY bigot, you’ve never had a better chance of seeing just how much a vote for David Cameron is support for the privileged classes who dump on us all. Yes, reality talent show king and pop’s nemesis Simon Cowell has come out in support for the potato-headed Eton old boy, in an open letter to Tory tabloid The Sun.

‘I have met David on two occasions,’ said Cowell, as though that has any bearing on his ability to run a nation. ‘I liked him immediately. I have always trusted my gut instinct - and this was a guy who I thought would do the right things for this country. I believe he is the Prime Minister Britain needs at this time. He has substance and the stomach to navigate us through difficult times.

‘I have always believed family plays a massive role in helping young people achieve. Everyone can only benefit from the encouragement of their mum and dad. I certainly did, and remain eternally grateful for it too. I worry that we are losing that old-school respect.

‘And I think this is down to a breakdown of rules. When I was young and we got caught pinching apples, we got a smack from the local policeman. Today if that happened he would be sued. I have seen that the American Dream is a reality - and I would love to feel the British Dream is also a reality.’ Shut up, for the love of God, please.

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